Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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