Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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