Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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