oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
