is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
