If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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