Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
