Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
