is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
