woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
