He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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