he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As shirtless as possible
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
