Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
