So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
