So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why do cheetos always look like penises
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
