Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
