1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
