you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
