Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just invented taco cereal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
