OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
