Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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