You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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