well you can't waste a boner
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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