I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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