I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
