I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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