i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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