I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize