my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
