i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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