It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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