dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
