i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
