we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
