I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
