Your dad touched me again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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