Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
