Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
