That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
