I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
