So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize