Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize