Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
