It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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