Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
