I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you made out with another girl for some wings
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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