Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
