I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
