Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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