She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
