yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
