Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
