You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
