Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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