how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
