conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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