I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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