I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
