So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They have beer where we have blood.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
