I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
